It's been a while since we have chatted... and a lot has happened. Some days it's easy, some days it's not. The craving is still there, the want to be needed by a child, the mothering instinct. But then I pray for God's will. To understand His purpose in this infertility. Is it His protection of my/our health? No way to know right now, only to accept it. (It is well, with my soul...)
I have been holding back writing to you all. I had something to hide. I finally talked to Lawrence about it and he said I should write it. Many months ago, we were approached, asking to be considered for a private adoption. Our dear friends came to us with a family in need, care for their grandchild in their care. Lawrence and I prayed deeply and finally came to a peace about it, Yes.... Yes, we would like to be considered by the family.
It was a difficult decision to make, it would change our lives. I confided in two great friends in my life, people on the outside, who would honestly give me the pros and cons, the rights and wrongs, the truth - without emotion. One dear friend, her best advice was "whether you say Yes or No, both answers will be right." She is and was right. Long story short, the family backed out. Trying to care for the child themselves, we understand and pray for their strength and health.
That situation has put us in a whirlwind of emotions. Some good and some bad, but very grateful for the experience. I question if an opportunity like that will come again. I question if we should say yes again. Who know's? Only God. And I pray for His wisdom and understanding.
I have met more and more women & couples like us. Society makes the world think it is so easy to have a child, to start a family... This sterotype we suffer. You're 32 and don't have children yet?!?! You are married and don't have children??!?! Why don't you have children?!?! Just a reminder for those blessed out there, don't sterotype.... Let's change the way society makes us think, let's educate!!! Crack the paradigm, Lawrence says. Normal is anything you are that God has allowed you to be.
Hugs to you all............ "learn to live life gracefully" - Jenny