It's been a while since we have chatted... and a lot has happened. Some days it's easy, some days it's not. The craving is still there, the want to be needed by a child, the mothering instinct. But then I pray for God's will. To understand His purpose in this infertility. Is it His protection of my/our health? No way to know right now, only to accept it. (It is well, with my soul...)
I have been holding back writing to you all. I had something to hide. I finally talked to Lawrence about it and he said I should write it. Many months ago, we were approached, asking to be considered for a private adoption. Our dear friends came to us with a family in need, care for their grandchild in their care. Lawrence and I prayed deeply and finally came to a peace about it, Yes.... Yes, we would like to be considered by the family.
It was a difficult decision to make, it would change our lives. I confided in two great friends in my life, people on the outside, who would honestly give me the pros and cons, the rights and wrongs, the truth - without emotion. One dear friend, her best advice was "whether you say Yes or No, both answers will be right." She is and was right. Long story short, the family backed out. Trying to care for the child themselves, we understand and pray for their strength and health.
That situation has put us in a whirlwind of emotions. Some good and some bad, but very grateful for the experience. I question if an opportunity like that will come again. I question if we should say yes again. Who know's? Only God. And I pray for His wisdom and understanding.
I have met more and more women & couples like us. Society makes the world think it is so easy to have a child, to start a family... This sterotype we suffer. You're 32 and don't have children yet?!?! You are married and don't have children??!?! Why don't you have children?!?! Just a reminder for those blessed out there, don't sterotype.... Let's change the way society makes us think, let's educate!!! Crack the paradigm, Lawrence says. Normal is anything you are that God has allowed you to be.
Hugs to you all............ "learn to live life gracefully" - Jenny
Jenny,
ReplyDeleteYour blog posts always touch my heart and bring tears to my eyes. At about 35 we considered adoption. I actually went online to some of the adoption sites but ultimately we decided against it. At 46 I know that we made the right decision for us and you're right-only God knows the answer. But when you do know the answer you will have peace-whether it's yes or no. Your friend is very wise. I still hear the queestion on a regular basis, 'do you have kids?' 'Not human ones' I always answer. It usually dispells an awkward moment which gets less and less painful as time goes by (honestly it doesn't hurt anymore but it did for long time). I will continue to pray for you both, I understand what you're going through and it breaks my heart. God's love is the healing power and I pray you and your husband find comfort in His love.
Hoping to see you guys at a reenactment soon:).
Blessings,
Kim
Jenny and Lawrence,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your blog and your openness about what you are experiencing. Honestly, I don't know your frustration exactly. But I do know the pain and frustration of losing a child through a miscarriage. It rocked our world, and still does from time to time. The only way to change the stereotypes is through education. We have other friends that have been trying to conceive for almost 5 years now. The statistics are staggering of how many people will have trouble conceiving a child. I believe it's 1 in 4 couples now. We will continue to pray for yall and pray for God's provision and His will. I know that adoption is a difficult decision and at times might even seem like giving up or like the 'last option'. I do know that if it is God's will for you to adopt, the desire and the opportunity will present itself if you pray for and submit to His will. I can honestly say that I know you two would make great parents whether through adoption or conception. The two of you have a lot of love and faith to offer any child. You are in our thoughts and prayers.
In Christ,
Gary McCabe