Sunday, November 17, 2013


This morning I found myself sitting in church dreading the upcoming year, another Mother's day.  (Yes, it's only November.)  I don't know why.  Remember, I said some days are good and some are bad...  I caught myself watching a mother with two little girls on her lap, and thinking how I would quietly be absent on Mother's Day this year.  That's sad and wrong of me, but that is where I am at right now.

It could be the holiday season fast approaching.  I worry that I am annoying or bothering our friends with children, bugging them about spending time with them.  Unfortunately I am stuck in the depression side of CNBC right now.  Holidays can be depressing.  I handled it pretty well last year, but this year is another story.  I don't want to always post the 'happy go lucky' side, I want to post the real side of Childless Not By Choice. 

It hurts.  It freaking hurts. 

I might be the Grinch this year and keep to myself. I keep trying to tell myself what I preach, "Holidays can be depressing, who do we share them with?  We share them with ourselves and with God." 

We can find ways to be happy and have a good Christmas, but that doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt.