This morning I found myself sitting in church dreading the upcoming year, another Mother's day. (Yes, it's only November.) I don't know why. Remember, I said some days are good and some are bad... I caught myself watching a mother with two little girls on her lap, and thinking how I would quietly be absent on Mother's Day this year. That's sad and wrong of me, but that is where I am at right now.
It could be the holiday season fast approaching. I worry that I am annoying or bothering our friends with children, bugging them about spending time with them. Unfortunately I am stuck in the depression side of CNBC right now. Holidays can be depressing. I handled it pretty well last year, but this year is another story. I don't want to always post the 'happy go lucky' side, I want to post the real side of Childless Not By Choice.
It hurts. It freaking hurts.
I might be the Grinch this year and keep to myself. I keep trying to tell myself what I preach, "Holidays can be depressing, who do we share them with? We share them with ourselves and with God."
We can find ways to be happy and have a good Christmas, but that doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt.