Thursday, December 18, 2014

We are not contagious....

I don't know why people think being infertile is contagious.  I don't know why people ostracize us.  They might not mean to, but it's true. 

The only time half of the ladies in a local group spoke to me was when I brought a friend's daughter with me.  The rest of the time it's like they don't know how to treat me because I don't have kids.  They feel they have nothing to relate to me. 

Just because we don't have kids, doesn't mean we don't want to be around your kids.  It broke my heart once when someone we hadn't seen in years blurted out "Well I thought you didn't want kids."    Lawrence turned around and said "WHO SAID THAT?  We never did!"  Bless Lawrence's heart, I walked out of the room and left him to fend for us...  I went and hid in the garage. 

One person asks us about us, our jobs, then halfway through our sentence they butt in, cut us off and start on about their grandkids, not letting us finish.  I thought it was only a one time, maybe twice incident.  Nope.  This is every time we talk to this person.  I am starting to feel they are rubbing their grandkids in our face because we haven't given any to our family.....   (p.s.  that specifically has been asked, when we are giving the family grandkids, and upset that we can't)

Some say I am over reacting, that this isn't happening...  but when this has been happening for four years now - I have to say there is a pattern.  It's time to break it. 

I do have kids in my life.  I do have good grades to brag on, funny things kids say and do, school projects we're proud of, college acceptance letters that were received (I love you Em!), and so much more....

Please help us break the cycle.  CNBC families do want to come over for holidays, do want to make cookies with you, do want to LIVE! 

Stop ostracizing............... 

Thursday, October 9, 2014

"This was not our choice!"

I am sorry for being away from here for so long.  Sometimes it's because I am dwelling on CNBC and too depressed to write; other times it's because I am LIVING!  Living a life that I love, understand and accept.  (Other times it's because my computer went down... smiles...)

During my absence, a dear woman posted a comment on here.  Immediately when I read it, I thought "her words need to be the next post."  She spoke so well, reading my mind and saying what so often I have a hard time expressing.  I hope she doesn't mind...  I want to share with you all, that we are not alone. 

"Thank you for creating a blog about CNBC. I feel like these days it's assumed that if you want something bad enough then you will do whatever it takes to get it. So when my husband and I decided we don't (at the moment) want to go incredibly into debt to pursue IVF or adoption, that made it our choice to be childless. This was not our choice! It hurts and I ache for a child of our own, but I don't feel like the 'have a baby at all costs' persona suits us either. We don't want to put ourselves through any more of the emotional turmoil of 'trying' with IVF, and at this point in our lives it wouldn't make sense to go that far into debt to adopt, and then be financial unstable with a child. I think our society doesn't believe any longer in the concept of gracefully accepting your circumstances. It's not that we wouldn't change things if we could, but God put us in this situation for a purpose, and although we struggle, we know HE is in control.  - RB"

Just like my favorite song It Is Well With My Soul....   Because we chose not to go at it all costs, does not mean our heart isn't broken. 

How beautifully, heart breaking and honest written that is.  I have nothing to add - RB said it all.... 

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Stupidity... "Infertility Is Part Of Evolution"

(Warning dear fellow CNBC, do not read this if you are sensitive today.) 

Get ready to see the snarky side of me...

Some people we meet are encouraging and a wonderful strength in our lives dealing with Childless Not By Choice.  When I tell someone about the negative comments we hear about not being able to have children, they are shocked that someone would even voice it, let alone think it.  Then we meet someone like this... 

A dear friend was faced with the stupidity of this selfish society.  A woman, who has children, publicly-openly stated her 'opinion' on why some women can't have children.  THIS IGNORANT WOMAN IS WHY WE NEED TO EDUCATE ABOUT INFERTILITY AND CNBC.  

At a recent lunch outing, this woman started stating her 'opinion' that the reason some people cannot have children is because it's evolutions way of controlling the population.  That there is something wrong with them and it's nature's way of weeding out.  And she added that they should be happy they don't have to worry about what parents have to worry about.

What?  That isn't just ignorance (Webster's definition of 'not knowing'), that is flat out stupidity.  And she openly vocalizes this to anyone who would listen.  Although I have never hit someone in my life, I dare her to say this in a room with a few of the CNBC families...  It might not end pretty.

It's one thing to be an encouragement to someone, it's another to tear them down. Whether you believe in God (like we do) or you believe in evolution, there is still a human decency that you learn to 'hold your tongue' and not tear someone down.  

It's the hurtful comments that we hear every day that make this even harder.  But...  it's people like my friend, who share her children with us, that lift us back up and make the ignorant woman crawl back to her own selfish little world.  

I call her selfish because she obviously doesn't appreciate her children or home, wishing she didn't have to 'worry about' the things a mother should.  Many of us would give anything to have those worries.  But with adoption being cost prohibitive or your health not being strong enough to have children....  many of us can't achieve those dreams.  

I pray that this woman's eyes and heart are opened to her callous words and attitude.  She could be an encouragement to someone, instead she chooses to cut someone down.   

"...every careless word that people speak they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgement."  Matthew 12:36

This is why I openly talk about being Childless Not By Choice and teach (or put in their place) people who do not know. 

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Spring is almost here... where is my hole to hide in?

So...  Spring is almost here and I am already looking for my hole to hide in.  Why?!?! 

This year's CNBC anxiety started a little early.  When waiting in the doctors office to be called back, and everyone starts chatting in the lobby, going around the room asking "how many kids do you have?" or "when are you due?".  I slouch down in my chair and hope no one calls on me, like a kid who hasn't done their homework.  I can't pick up a magazine because they are all about pregnancy and motherhood (yes I was at that doctor). 

I handled Christmas pretty well, but now we have Easter and Mother's Day to deal with, which can be worse.  Easter started weighing heavy on me this week.  Yes there are the Easter church services, but beyond that we have nothing to do that day, no kids to hide eggs for, etc.  Everyone's plans that day are wrapped around kid's and egg hunts.  (I am NOT downing anyone for that!)  But...  when people ask what we are doing for Easter, what do I tell them? 

Having those feelings about Easter made me look forward to Mother's Day?  Uggghhhhh... 

Yes, I can be strong a lot of the time and talk to people who ask about CNBC, but sometimes my best coping mechanism is to walk away.  I gather up my heart, trust in God, and walk away from it all.