Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The children in our lives, and the choice we have to make...

I was recently told about a dear woman in my life and her struggle for children also.  Finally when she was told she was unable to conceive, she made a choice.  Her sister told her that she would share her own daughters with her...  Unfortunately, Aunt Carol couldn't handle that.  It hurt too much...  Yes she was there for us and loved us sooo much, but she also pulled back.  Not everyone can totally understand the hurt Aunt Carol had, but I can.

Aunt Carol and I are alot alike in ways, but this decision is where we are different.  Whether to pull back, choosing to walk this path alone or choose to embrace the children already in our lives - it is a daily decision.

I am so very blessed by family and friends, who also share their children with me.  To have my niece stay a week at "Aunt Jenny's" (she compared it to summer camp!).  And as many of you know, I have a seamstress shop that I travel to historical reenactments with.  I have met wonderful friends who are so much like family now.  Their children come running for hugs, saying I am their second mama, friends leave their baby girl with me to hold and watch while they walk.  The children always know they will get a hug and be loved on when they come to see me!  This is the choice I make...

Yes, people with CNBC go through depression, but we have a daily choice to make.  And I encourage anyone going through this to open up, sharing in their lives the joy and the smiles...  Yes it still hurts, but oh how much joy and fulfillment we get back!!!  Lawrence just said, "You can choose to embrace the pain, or embrace the little ones..."

Sunday, January 23, 2011

The Voices...

Starting this post has opened a large can of worms so to speak.  It has given strength and a voice to quite a few people, who I am not sure, would have said anything otherwise.  These words below are not mine, but we all speak from the same broken heart.  Here are a few quotes from them, not naming names, but just to show - we are not alone...

"What made me angriest though was when strangers looked at me and my age and asked, Why don't you have any kids, or you better get busy with having children.  Some of this from my own family!"

"Good for you but sad that u need to explain.  I have had people tell me that I am not an actual parent since I only have one!  People seem to think  they have the 'right' to say anything they want now days...  Sometimes it's not a choice."

"It's been 12 years of trying...  I too have had to answer those same questions and I firmly believe that until someone goes through it they have no idea how it feels.  People just assume that because you are a young married couple that you should have children, they don't stop to think before opening their mouth."

"The grief I feel is something that others do not realize."

"Sometimes it's not a lifestyle choice...  it is a God choice."

"Just as a person born into prosperity cannot understand what it is to be poor; a person who does not share this affliction cannot understand what we go through."

And the voices keep coming...  We do not mean to guilt anyone in what we say and reveal here.  But looking into our lives, gives this world a better appreciation, understanding, and hopefully a moment of thought - before any words are spoken in ignorance.  And I am using that term as Webster uses it.  "Ignorance: a lack of knowledge, learning, and information."

This blog has already been viewed 77 times since original posting...  It will be interesting to see where it goes from here. 

Saturday, January 22, 2011

And the ride begins...

I have been biting my tongue for too long. 
Every day we deal with comments from strangers, friends and even family - why don't we have children.  In today's society of medical advances, people don't realize how common it really is for some couples not be able to concieve.  And when they do find out, it's easy to to throw out suggestions of why don't you do invitro, why don't you adopt, etc...  But they don't realize the costs associated with these options, invitro 'starts' at $17,000.  Then you have the offers of friends (bless their hearts) to be a surrogate.  Only to tell them that involves invitro... 

This blog is our voice... 
To combat the screams inside of us, when people take their own lives and children for granted, when you open that random box that we were saving for the nursery...  To cry with friends, and finally give a voice to our grieving.  And yes, it is grieving. 

We welcome strangers, friends, anyone who wishes to follow us, join us, love us in this new journey of our lives.