We usually escape town or lay low for Mother's Day. I just can't handle it. There, I admit it. But this year we can't, I have a promise to some pretty amazing youth to teach their Sunday School class - and I can't let them down. I might crawl under a rock afterwards - but for that hour, they will brighten my day and be 'my' kids.
I feel so bad though, nothing my husband does right now can make this any better. He can't fix it. Every hour my eyes fill with tears but I do my best to hide it. Hiding it is becoming harder and harder, he noticed it tonight.
Strangely I found a little solace in pulling weeds this evening... I know, I'm crazy! He was nearby woodworking and I sat there pulling weeds, loving on my garden.
So tonight when I couldn't hold it together any longer, I had strong feeling to go out in the garden! Yes, it was 11pm, I am sure my neighbors think I was hiding a body. I turned the spotlights on, pulled back the netting over my herb garden and started to dig. Did it make things better? I don't know. Did I stop crying? Yes. I gave my love to something else, to plants, to my love of gardening, to my cats, to my home.
Some days are good, some days are not....