Thursday, December 18, 2014

We are not contagious....

I don't know why people think being infertile is contagious.  I don't know why people ostracize us.  They might not mean to, but it's true. 

The only time half of the ladies in a local group spoke to me was when I brought a friend's daughter with me.  The rest of the time it's like they don't know how to treat me because I don't have kids.  They feel they have nothing to relate to me. 

Just because we don't have kids, doesn't mean we don't want to be around your kids.  It broke my heart once when someone we hadn't seen in years blurted out "Well I thought you didn't want kids."    Lawrence turned around and said "WHO SAID THAT?  We never did!"  Bless Lawrence's heart, I walked out of the room and left him to fend for us...  I went and hid in the garage. 

One person asks us about us, our jobs, then halfway through our sentence they butt in, cut us off and start on about their grandkids, not letting us finish.  I thought it was only a one time, maybe twice incident.  Nope.  This is every time we talk to this person.  I am starting to feel they are rubbing their grandkids in our face because we haven't given any to our family.....   (p.s.  that specifically has been asked, when we are giving the family grandkids, and upset that we can't)

Some say I am over reacting, that this isn't happening...  but when this has been happening for four years now - I have to say there is a pattern.  It's time to break it. 

I do have kids in my life.  I do have good grades to brag on, funny things kids say and do, school projects we're proud of, college acceptance letters that were received (I love you Em!), and so much more....

Please help us break the cycle.  CNBC families do want to come over for holidays, do want to make cookies with you, do want to LIVE! 

Stop ostracizing............... 


  1. Thank you so much for creating this page. I am so happy to have found it & people that understand the daily pain that those like us go through. I've often felt very alone in this. I found your blogs & felt a sense of relief to know, & really, I already did, that I'm not alone. I wish more people understood that things, including children, aren't always just as easy as wanting them. That sometimes situations leave those things unobtainable. I've experienced being left out while all the mommies get together to have parties. To having the woman I called my best friend for over twenty years tell me that she has a life with children in it & doesn't have time to coddle me! I hadn't needed coddling, just someone to listen. What she failed to remember was the time her &her ex-husband couldn't provide their children with Christmas presents, so I sent money to them. I also never asked for them to pay me back. Which they never offered. Then there's the typical experience of being told "you don't know love until you love a child of your own." I've experienced these things after a miscarriage that was pretty traumatic. With little to no support in the healing process. In fact, I can't say I have ever healed, in my heart anyways. I find comfort in knowing there's someone else out there, with good days & bad days like I'm having right now, that are very hard to cope with. Today was a rock bottom day for me. Having several women I'm in contact with through social media all be expecting at the same time, has been hard for me to see. Im sure you understand that feeling & I'm sorry that you do.

  2. Thank you for sharing. we also stop getting invited by our "friends". Over the years, we lost all of our friends. We say hi, but that is it. We become the outcast. On top of being cnbc, it is just two of us now. No one hangs with us.