Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Mourning...

Most people do not realize that CNBC involves mourning.  Whether a person looses a child to an accident, to a disease, to a miscarriage, to anything...  our hearts still mourn that life.  I have had a very difficult couple of years learning to deal with this emotion. 

I mourn everyday.  Does it get any easier?  Maybe.  Some days.  I guess that's why I pray a lot for peace in my heart.  Some days mourning is screaming into my pillow, some days it's taking a long quite walk, some days it's being strong for Lawrence, and some days it's him being strong for me. 

But what makes it hurt worse is people who don't understand, and never will.  They have children.  They can never understand, even though they say they do, what we are going through.  And through that ignorance, (as Webster puts it "lack of knowledge"), some people say the stupidest things.  Hurtful, insensitive, rude, selfish, or asinine.  (Webster again "foolish, unintelligent, or silly, stupid").

We have heard them all!  But what breaks my heart even more, is hearing and know it's happened to new comers to CNBC.  I take a lot for myself, but it breaks my heart to know they will go through this.  

I've said this before and I'll say it again.  The best thing a friend can do is sit down next to me, listening to the silence, the birds chirping, and find comfort in that silence.  They don't feel the need to fill it with empty words,  as Daddy says. "talking to hear their head rattle".  It shows they are there for me...   no matter what.  

I have lost quite a few people because they don't know what to say to me, or because I don't fit in their little social circle of mothers.  "She doesn't have kids so we don't need to invite her." 

I pray tonight for newcomers to CNBC...  I won't fool you, it's not easy being CNBC.  But I will tell you, you are not alone.  

5 comments:

  1. Thank you for the reminder. It does make one feel very alone. Only a few close friends actually know the pain it causes. (I commented from my blog - Cheryl)

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  2. Well said, and, oh so true. I'll say a prayer for them tonight myself. Thanks form the post.

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  3. Hi. Just found your blog. I hope you are doing well. I find that lately I'm mostly alright with my status as a woman without children. I can at least also appreciate the perks. Would I have liked to have children? Yes, very much. But, it didn't happen for me and I'm no longer interested in dwelling on the fact. Life is short. I want to live it to the fullest and in complete appreciation for what I do have, rather than focus on whatever it is I might "lack". Here is where I find that I have to be strong and ignore dumb comments people will always make.

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  4. Hi Jenny and Lawrence. I just wanted to say thank you so much for your blog. I so needed to hear that I'm not alone. I found out yesterday from my IVf specialist that there is nothing they can do for my husband and I. We are now faced with adoption, fostering or using donated embryos. I have spent most of last night and this morning between denial and sobbing my heart out. We knew last week that there may be considerable difficulties but to actually have it plainly told to you. I am so heartbroken, as I know many people who read your blog are. I am 32, my husband 35 and I just feel so much grief and pain. How do you deal with special holidays like Christmas? Thank you for sharing your story and allowing me to not feel so alone.

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    1. One thing Lawrence says is "Cherish the gifts you have, don't dwell on the things you don't have. Especially, cherish your marriage." So many couples let this tear it apart. But we have learned to turn to each other more. Yes we still cry and hurt, but you are not alone. As special as children are and should be, they grow up and move away, having lives of their own - but you have your spouse for the rest of your life. Easier said than done, I know... We are blessed with very close family and friends who let us 'borrow' their children. I occasionally go and pick up my friend's daughter from the bus stop and we go have 'our day', usually involving ice cream and a toy store, or the park. For holidays, we go over and make christmas cookies at our friend's house (they have 5 kids), even next week we are going over to carve pumpkins. Not everyone has that available to them - but ways to get involved in your community are also there. Our county has a Community Dinner for Thanksgiving and Christmas. A widowed father we know goes and volunteers all day so he is not home alone. He said it's the best thing he has done in years. There are ways, but the most important thing is to not be alone, most times that is a choice we make. I am so glad you found our blog. I have not wrote on here in a while, thank you for the encouragement to write again...

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