Why do I feel the need to apologize?

When someone asks me if we have children, I find myself apologizing...  "I'm sorry, no we don't.  We were diagnosed with infertility years ago."  I am not sure why I do this.  Subconscious guilt?  Feeling I let someone down? 

Society's expectations are so overwhelming that we tend to apologize for not living up to what they feel is normal.  For us, it is not having children. 

Sadly this has caused many people with infertility to feel the need to apologize.  So often I say it before I even realize what I said...  It's become an automatic response realizing it after I say it, then I'm mad at myself.

Here's to trying to reprogram my brain!  Repeat after me, "I have nothing to apologize for!"  "It's OK I do not have children!"  "I am still loved for being just ME!" 

~ Jenny

Two years later and still living with being Childless Not By Choice...

Two years...  has it really been two years since I last wrote?  I apologize for neglecting this page, it was not on purpose.  Sometimes trying to put your dreams behind you because you realize they cannot be reached takes a separation.  I needed a time out.....

We're back..........

I have been thinking about this page and everyone we have reached over the years a lot lately.  (Over 36,000 views since it started and over 200 just last month.)  I think it's time to come back. 

Are we still CNBC?  Yes.  Could we have taken a different path and adopted or fostered?  (Well, one adoption fell through and that broke my heart sending me into a tail spin.)  Yes we could have pursued all of those.  So why did we choose not to?  It's complicated.

My husband, Lawrence, just gave an interesting analogy....  The difference between a broken body and broke down vehicle is that with a broken body you CAN still keep going.  We choose to keep going every day... 

Our journey officially started 9 years ago here sharing what it means to be CHILDLESS NOT BY CHOICE.  If you are new to our page, please take a moment and go back to the beginning.

A quick recap of the first post in January of 2011:

I have been biting my tongue for too long. 
Every day we deal with comments from strangers, friends and even family - why don't we have children.  In today's society of medical advances, people don't realize how common it really is for some couples not be able to conceive.  And when they do find out, it's easy to throw out suggestions of 'why don't you do invitro', 'why don't you adopt', etc...  But they don't realize the costs associated with these options, invitro 'starts' at $17,000.  Then you have the offers of friends (bless their hearts) to be a surrogate.  Only to tell them that involves invitro... 

This blog is our voice... 
To combat the screams inside of us, when people take their own lives and children for granted, when you open that random box that we were saving for the nursery...  To cry with friends, and finally give a voice to our grieving.  And yes, it is grieving. 

We welcome strangers, friends, anyone who wishes to follow us, join us, love us in this new journey of our lives.